Acknowledging children's feelings

To be able to acknowledge children’s feelings, you first need to recognise them. You can do this by paying close attention to clues such as facial expressions, gestures, sounds and other communication from the child.

Recognising children’s feelings

An important part of interacting with children involves the skill of responding to non-verbal cues. Remember, non-verbal communication can make up as much as 70% of the total message being communicated by the child. Described below are the main non-verbal clues that children give.

Facial expressions

Facial expressions are used by most people and allow you to recognise how that person is feeling at the time you see them.

Children, particularly babies and toddlers, will often communicate through their facial expressions as they are still developing their verbal communication skills and ability to speak.

Gesturing, movement and touching

Gesturing, movement and touching are other ways children can indicate their message without using verbal communication. It is particularly useful with toddlers and those children who are not yet speaking.

Sounds

Sounds and noises are mostly used by babies and toddlers when they are trying to get your attention or have their needs met. The sounds and noises can vary from child to child, but with experience you will become more skilled at matching them with specific needs.

Personal space

Personal space refers to each individual's 'boundary', or how physically close they prefer another person to be to them. This is a very personal issue - some people have a small personal space boundary that allows people to get very close to them, even touching. Other people have a large boundary, and prefer that people keep their distance.

Usually, people will allow friends or family members to get closer to them than they would allow a stranger to. In some cases the personal space boundary is determined by the occasion of meeting, in other cases cultural or traditional beliefs may be the guiding ot deciding factor.

Children will be aware of how physically close they like others to get. Look for signals; if the child starts to back away from you, you are getting too close. If you feel uncomfortable about how close a child is to you, then you need to let them know in a compassionate way.

Did you notice that Tim got happier as the carer got closer? Emily, however, started to look uncomfortable as the carer got closer. This example shows how important it is to understand that each child will have their own personal space boundaries, which you will need to discover and respect.

Accepting children's feelings

When acknowledging children's feelings you will need to also accept them. This doesn't mean you need to agree with their feelings, but you need to accept that the way a child feels is important to them. Acknowledging and accepting a child's feelings demonstrates that you are interested in and respectful of how they feel.

Your communication with children should reflect their feelings. This may require you to change your communication style to suit the moment. Sometimes only a pat on the shoulder is necessary - for example if Billy is feeling sad, avoid approaching him with a really happy face as he may think that you are saying he should always be happy. To Billy, this would mean that you are not acknowledging his feelings. Just put your hand on his shoulder and let him know it's okay to be sad sometimes.